Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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