And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
