By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
