Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
