He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
