I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
