last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There are leaves in my underwear?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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