you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
