U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
