don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
