he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
