I am spending my child support on dildos
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
