He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
