I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
