....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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