are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
