Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
