I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
