I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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