Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
