she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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