Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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