he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
