I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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