My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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