He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
