Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
