Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
