Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
