She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
