this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
