It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
