you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
