Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
