Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
