Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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