Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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