I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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