..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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