Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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