It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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