How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im part way to drunk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
