The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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