I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
