***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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