You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
