farters have to be the big spoon...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
