Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
