they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
