I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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