Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
