Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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